The 7 Types of People Found at Coffee Shops

I’ve been working out of coffee shops a lot lately. I can’t help it…coffee shops are like a microcosm of America, what with all the different types of people who congregate at them. Whether you’re in coffee shop in Boston or Topeka, you’re likely to run into the following:
1.) The Internet Daters. Coffee shops are great first places to meet an Internet date. They’re cheap places to buy a girl a drink, and if she turns out to be a sasquatch instead of the cute girl she sent you pictures of, it’s pretty easy to ditch out early and relatively unscathed. You can spot Internet daters by the way they walk in the door, scanning the room for the person that they’re supposed to meet. If you’re lucky, you’ll be sitting at a table next to the couple and can eavesdrop on their conversation (which is pretty much guaranteed to bring the LOLs).
Last month, I heard a guy say to his date “So, uh, that picture you sent me…when was it taken? 5 years ago? Or did you just crop it really well?” When I heard him say that, my Macbook got a soy latte shower.
2.) The Soccer Mom. These are the women who bring their small children to the coffee shop. Don’t ask me why they think their little ones would rather hang out at the Coffee Corner than a place more appropriate for kids (like the zoo or a cage or something), but inevitably, there’s at least one or two of them around. On especiallly awful days there will be a soccer mom convention at the coffee shop, which will be overrun by screaming kids with sticky hands.
3.) The Crazy Cat Lady. Ten years ago, crazy cat ladies spent their days inside their hovels watching soap operas and eating ice cream right out of the container. Now, some of them feel the need to venture outside…to their local coffee shops. These are the women who sit at the big tables and spread their papers, coupons and other crap all over the place. They sit alone, paying their bills, balancing their checkbooks and cutting even more coupons out of their local papers while mumbling to themselves about vet fees and new brands of kitty litter.
Crazy cat ladies tend to show up around 9:30 in the morning and stick around until 2pm, when General Hospital comes on. When they finally head home, they leave coffee soaked bevnaps and expired coupons on the table for somebody else to clean up. (Later that night, they’ll cry into their Chinese takeout and wonder why they’re so alone in the world.)
4.) The Businessman. “Sell! No, buy! Damnit, why’s that client such an ass?!” You’ll hear this guy way before you’ll see him, but you’ll know that he’s important by the way that he’s screaming into his Blackberry about really important and business-ey stuff. When you do finally get a chance to take a look at him, he’ll be running his hands through his expensive hairdo, tie slightly undone and a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead and neck. Apparently, being successful is really stressful.
Why this dude feels it necessary to do his business at a coffee shop instead of, say, his office, is one of the few mysteries left in the world. Fortunately, because he’s always on the go, he won’t stick around to terrorize the place for very long. After a half hour or so, he’ll start jingling the keys to his Mercedes and hit the door.
5.) The Writer. This guy is a pretentious douche, albeit less obnoxious than The Businessman. He’s working on the next great American novel or an Oscar caliber movie script or something. Hell, for all we know he’s just typing out his grocery list in Microsoft Word. A coffee shop regular, he’s there five days a week and stays from 11 in the morning to just before closing. He mostly sticks to himself, taking breaks from his work only to smoke a cigarette or give The Soccer Mom and her brood dirty looks.
6.) The High Schoolers. Remember when you were in high school, and there was, like, nothing to do? The new genenration of kids have found something to occupy their time, and that’s hanging out at your local coffee shop. I attribute this new phenomenon entirely to MTV taking TRL off of their afternoon lineup. This is the easiest group to spot, because they congregate around the free computers and giggle at the MySpace pages of their classmates.
You’d think that High Schoolers would only be around in the afternoon after school gets out, but that’s not the case. For some reason, there are never just one or two, either. They seem to function best in packs of three or more, which makes them exponentially more annoying. These prolific little shitheads are around at all times of the day, and will have you programming your local truancy officers into your cell phone’s speed dial.
7.) The Student. When midterms or finals come around, coffee shops get overrun by students studying for whatever test they’re trying to pass. Students are the least obnoxious people on this list, as they tend to stick to themeselves and their work.
Source: http://www.collegeotr.com/college_otr/the_5_types_of_people_found_at_coffee_shops_18923





So California company


